The Road Behind Me

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Laugh It Up...I Did

One of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to share my experiences with others. The highs and the lows and even my most embarrassing moments. Let me start by saying I can't help it or control it so don't go sticking your nose in the air saying, "Oh she's so disgusting." I've written about my stomach issues before and if you're a regular reader you know that I suffer with IBS. Yep, you know where this is going.

I was asked to join three other runners for an 8 mile run earlier today. I planned on going with them but felt really tired after work and decided to take a power nap. I got up 5 minutes before we were suppose to meet and thought maybe I could still catch up with them. Thank goodness I never did. 

I had 5 miles on my training plan for today so I headed out with just my iPod; no toilet paper and no phone. Everything was going just fine until around 4.5 miles. My stomach was feeling just fine and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, from the evil depths of h-e double hockey sticks came a noise. I heard it laughing at me as I turned 360 degrees looking desperately for a place to go. No trees, no buildings, no coverage whatsoever, and the ditch was full of snow and water. I had no phone to call anyone, no toilet paper to use, and no idea what I was going to do. I had to think fast. This was the busiest time of day on that road with everyone headed home after work. I stopped to walk and tried to start running again but I just couldn't hold it any longer. I frantically looked around but I had no other option but to just go on the shoulder of the road. I prayed that someone I knew would drive by and give me a ride or let me use their phone. Even just to cover for me before I went in my pants. I saw a break in traffic and kept telling myself to go before I missed the opportunity and had to bare my behind to poor passerby's. I couldn't do it, but I couldn't hold it much longer either. I started pulling grass out of the ground to have something to wipe with. I pulled and walked, pulled and walked, pulled and walked just waiting for cars to pass hoping a miracle would happen. I saw a few people I knew but they went by too fast for me to wave them down. "Oh just kill me now." I finally saw a break and had to take the chance. I know the next lady that came along saw what I was doing and as I stood up quickly I just pretended to play with my iPod. Unfortunately I caught her eye and she seemed to look at me like I was crazy. Hey, I'd be crazy if I pants my poop.

But it didn't end there. Oh no it got much worse. I thought I'd be fine until I got home but again my stomach was laughing at me and making me so miserable. Stomach transplant? Yes there should be such a thing. This time I had some woods to try and cover myself with. But I really didn't care anymore. I was about to pants my poop and I was desperate. This time there was snow to go through. I thought maybe it had melted enough to pack itself down so I started to run towards the trees. After a few steps I sunk in the snow up to my thighs. I couldn't quite get my left leg out so I started crawling. I was able to get back up and take a few more steps, but then I fell through again. This time I could barely move. Frantically I started crawling, reaching for a tree branch that wasn't even within reach. Instead I grabbed at the snow. My legs were cold and my shoes were filling with cold pellets. Branches were poking me everywhere making it difficult to get to the back side of the tree. I started singing "I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore." Trying to drag myself over the snow towards the tree before my stomach erupted. Finally I fell into the hole around the tree and got tangled in branches. I was breaking them as fast as I could  My shirt got caught in a branch but it didn't matter. I couldn't hold it any longer. I didn't care who saw me at this point. The tree only provided enough cover for my rear but "I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore." A few cars went by but I was crouched down enough and I was wearing all grey (one plus for me). The snowball toilet paper worked rather well and all that was left to do was laugh. There I was squatting behind a tree laughing at myself. That is why I'm so glad I ran by myself. Actually I wish I didn't run at all but then I wouldn't have anything to share with all of you. Have a fabulous night! It has to be going better than mine.

(Yeah kind of like that)

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Tutus Rock

As I was scrolling through Facebook last week I saw a few pictures of two beautiful young women running in tutus during the L.A. Marathon. It wasn't just their tutu's or superhero outfits that caught my attention, but it was also the caption above the photo "Magazine Makes Fun of Cancer Survivors Tutu". Being an avid runner and tutu creator myself I had to find out more.

Courtesy of Huffington Post
Monika Allen is a marathon runner, brain cancer survivor, owner of Glam Runner, and donor to Girls on the Run: San Diego. When Monika ran the L.A. Marathon she wore a Wonder Woman outfit for motivation as she was undergoing chemotherapy at that time. So when SELF Magazine contacted Allen asking for permission to use her photo in an upcoming issue she was thrilled. She thought it would great publicity for her business Glam Runner in which she makes and sells tutus. Proceeds from her sales have gone to Girls on the Run, a charity aimed at promoting exercise and confidence for young girls. Monika has raised an estimated $5,600 for the nonprofit by making approximately 2,000 tutus over the past three years. However, SELF Magazine did not use her photo in the positive way Allen thought they would. The photo was highlighted in the magazines section called the "BS Meter: Our SELF-y guide to what's legit and what's lame this month." Beside the women's picture was this caption, "New Running Tulle: A racing tutu epidemic has struck NYC's Central Park, and it's all because people think these froufrou skirts make you run faster. Now, if you told us they made people run away from you faster, maybe we would believe it."
Readers and runners alike were outraged and immediately showed their support for Monika and her business. The Facebook site Women's Running Club created a Virtual Run/Walk and called it "Tutu or Not: Runners Rock". They asked all members of the running community to show support for Monika... "and all runners of every background, pace, size, and kind. On April 2nd, we will run because we rock." Monika's Glam Runner business had to turn customers away because they just couldn't fulfill all the tutu orders that were coming in. Everyone wanted a tutu and they only had a few short days to get one. I helped some friends make their own and made a few for others who asked (even men). I also sent one off to a women from Kansas who contacted me through Facebook- technology is amazing. 

So you may be wondering, "How do you participate in a virtual run?" Easy! For this run we printed out a bib that rocked Monika's number (3112) from the L.A. Marathon, wore it during the run April 2nd, and posted our picture on the events Facebook page. Any distance, in any city, anywhere in the world! I got the word out that a few of us planned to run for a "Tutu or Not: Runners Rock" Virtual 5K. 17 runners showed up for our small community run and every single one of them was wearing a tutu in support of Monika.

2 days after 18" of snow 
Since all this controversy started SELF magazine has apologized to Monika and stated they are discontinuing their "BS Meter" page effective immediately. The running community is a very tight knit group that sticks together, whether we know each other or not. We all share something that some non-runners call "crazy". FYI: We take that as a compliment!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

The Funnies

I was going through some of my texts recently and there were quite a few that made me laugh. So I thought I'd share a few of them along with other interesting comments I receive from time to time.

"I just went to DD to get an iced tea and the man working there was so nice I just started to cry. Yep, looking right at him cried. What is wrong with me?"

"I was at a parent teacher conference this morning and all of a sudden I had a coughing fit. Like 15 minutes of straight choking. Then one of the teachers tampons fell out of her pocket and rolled across the floor. The whole thing was awkward."

"Have you tried Quinoa? It is friggin yummy!"

My text to my sister: "I just dropped my gloves on the black diamond while on the ski lift."
Sister: "Go get em sista! And yell "woooooooohoooooo" the whole way."

"Okay I have issues. I went to the store on my lunch break and went to go in the "automatic" door. Well it wouldn't open so I figured it was broken. So I pushed my way through. It was hard and I think I actually heard my shoe go squeeeeeeak. Anyhow, whew I got in. Turns out it was the exit. Everyone was just staring at me. Hey, one guy followed my lead so I am not the only cool girl."

A 240+ lb male walked into a room and asked me, "Can you give me a piggy back ride?" This was not my husband either.

"Never been so happy to run in rain and high wind as yesterday."

"Totally random awkward thought...have you ever heard a song or songs and had this sudden urge to start drinking and make whoopy with your hubby? And 9 times out of 10 you are not near booze OR your hubby. No need for [name] to ends my thought."

"When I change I will insist you leave the room. Chicken salad sandwich."

"9:30 in the a.m. Why am I going to love you???"

"Yeah me and a big 14 year old smile looking at his abs- yum."

Texts about kids basketball practice- "I can run them up I just can't pick up. U were too busy blogging bimbo." (my friends love me)

"I could be stranded on a deserted island. As long as it has running water...and plumbing...and a Holiday Inn Express." This coming from a male.

My 11 y/o has quite the imagination. She wanted to build a snowman so I said go ahead and build one. She formed the butt cheeks first then the head. She said, "He's pushing." Well I guess it kept her busy and she happy for a while...until her sisters hit it with the sled.

Hope you at least got a little laugh. There are a lot more but they require more explanation then it's worth.

Monday, March 3, 2014

The Noggin

I've mentioned my latest skiing adventure a few times on previous blog posts and on my Facebook page. I'm not sure why I fell so many times since I've never had that much of a problem before. I did mention to hubby  beforehand that I probably should have bought a helmet but of course I didn't. So wouldn't you know the very first time I fell I hit the back of my head on the ground. Having martial arts in my background I have always told myself when falling always tuck your head into your chest. Well except when it actually happens. I just go down so fast, or seem to, and there is no time for rational thought. It's basically, "Oh F....u....d....g....e!" and then BAM I'm grabbing the back of my head. Unfortunately this happened a few times. In addition to that each time I fell my skis never released (when they should have) and I twisted my left knee. I haven't had a problem running on it but it still hurts 2 weeks later.

Did I mention I'm a bit scared of heights?

This winter has been awful for cold temps and quite a bit of snow. When said snow gets packed down in -20 degrees it makes for some pretty slippery surfaces. You know where I'm going with this. I had a meeting  this week and when I got out of my van to go inside I noticed it was pretty icy (I slipped). In the future I will make a better mental note of that. So, when the meeting was over I hurried off to make another meeting. According to any slapstick comedy this is a bad combination. My feet came right off the ground and I went down hard. I think I hit in this order: left butt cheek, upper back, head, hands, and then feet (not sure about the right butt cheek). I laid on the ground for about 5 seconds to assess the situation and then realized I could possibly get run over by the car next to me. I seriously didn't want to get up. All these cold nights have been amazing for star gazing. I decided I couldn't lay there forever so I got up and went to my next meeting.

When I finally confessed to my "friends" what happened one snickered and said, "Oh my God you could die!" and another said, "I laugh in stressful situations. Sorry, if I saw you I would have laughed." As I sat rubbing my head I wondered why I hung out with these people.

Yeah that's how my friends roll.

So that brings us to this past Saturday. Yep one more noggin story. It was miserably cold outside. The high was somewhere around -22 and then with wind chill it was maybe -40. I mean seriously my exposed skin hurt when I was out there. I've really never felt anything like that before today. After all the basketball games were done we decided to do our weekly grocery shopping. All I wanted to do was just sit in my recliner in front of the fireplace and do nothing. We had two different vehicles so I beat hubby home and thought about leaving the unloading of groceries for him but I didn't.

Side note: Do you know that reusable bags take way less time to unload compared to plastic? They fit more items which means less trips between the house and vehicle. Plus they're good for the environment. True story.

As I was trying to hurry, so I could get out of the cold, I made my way to the back of the van. The lift gate was open but apparently not all the way. BAM! I smacked my head right on the corner of that stupid thing. I'm not going to lie there were some obscene words mumbled. The trooper that I am still unload everything but then I was done. I dumped everything on the floor and sat in my recliner.

If I were to suffer any kind of brain damage I would like to request time distortion. I won't need an excuse for being late and I'd love to be able to run and not worry about how slow the time seems to pass. There actually is an ultra runner who suffered with epilepsy and after a lobectomy has the ability to run hundreds of miles at a time. It's a very interesting story.

"A former professional tennis player, she took up running to help stave off epileptic seizures, for which in 1997 she had a lobectomy. This surgery disrupted her ability to judge the passing of time, something which has helped her ultra-running." ~Wikipedia

Although Diane's story is very serious and not something that would be a wish for anyone I like to think of my request as a super power. Just to be able to run all day and end up in another state wondering what time it is would be pretty cool. Well I suppose pain, cramps, blisters, and chaffing might slow me down. I better rethink the whole thing.

These ladies got nothing on me

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

On This Episode

On this episode of The Road Behind Me...

C's date for prom asks someone else to go with him- her best friend. Will she ditch her date, her best friend, or both?

L wakes to excruciating pain and requests an ambulance. Her husband refuses to call one for her. Will she survive?

M is faced with a tough decision (not about the ambulance). He must carefully weigh all his options.

and...a simple experiment goes horribly wrong. 

Alright so C was asked to prom by a senior boy (she's 16). She wasn't sure if she should go but decided to say yes. She was all excited talking about her dress, nails, hair, tan, jewelry, etc. Well rumor has it a few days later this boy told C's friend "X" that he could take both of them. To which X replied, "That would be awkward and I don't want to make C mad." Well another rumor had it that the next day X and boy were going together and C was left on the curb. Then when C found out another boy wanted to go with her she said, "No thank you I'm not going to go this year." BAM! Take that boys. X allegedly never said yes to the boy but high school girls have another story to tell (The facts in this story may not be based on real facts as this blog is soap opera themed).

A friend of mine didn't know C wasn't going and brought a beautiful dress over, so of course we made her try it on.

Beautiful inside and out

On Saturday I ran 8 miles on the treadmill and felt a little crampy in my stomach but didn't think much of it. I had been feeling that way for a few days and just brushed it off as me just being a woman. Sunday morning I woke up around 5 a.m. to use the bathroom and when I got back to bed the pain was unbearable. I told hubby something was wrong so he started getting ready to go to the ER. The pain seemed to be getting worse and I was sweating profusely. I didn't know if I had to go to the bathroom or throw up. All I could think was that my appendix burst. Then I realized the pain was on my left side and I knew the appendix was on the right. I requested, very nicely, to have an ambulance. Hubby replied in evil satanic voice, "No, I will bring you. Get dressed." What? "I can't get dressed!" I said nicely. He tried to help me put my shirt on but I brushed him away. 

OK so that's not quite what happened but it was awful. It was like labor but without the breaks between contractions. I didn't want to talk or be touched. Riding in the van was even more miserable as every little bump was torture. I felt like I was going to throw up but never did until we arrived in the ER. After that I felt much better. The doctor thought it was a kidney stone and it turned out that he was right. Really? A little stone causes that much pain? I have never had one before but I'm told I'll probably get another one sometime before I die. Can't wait. 

Bored selfie

Hubby and I went skiing for our anniversary and after the GPS lead us down all kinds of crazy trails we were relieved to arrive in Lutsen. We went for supper right away and the bar was loaded. Hubby had a tough decision on what kind of beer he should order. First world problems. Oh and I crashed- a lot- and really hard. My knee twisted many times as my skis didn't release. It was a bit frustrating as hubby kept bringing me farther up the mountain. 95 runs was a little intimidating but the Big Bunny started me off feeling pretty good. I knew I should have bought a helmet.

Hubby went fishing with some family friends a few weeks ago and told me that one of them drinks a Pepsi every night for stomach aches. At first I thought it sounded really gross but they said it worked for them. So I thought maybe it could work for me. I wasn't willing to consume a Pepsi every night but maybe when my stomach really hurt and was bloated I could drink a bit of carbonation and it would help to release some pressure. I really didn't want it to work but I remembered the last few times I did have soda or a beer my stomach felt almost normal. Worth a try since I've tried so many other things. 

 Monday when my stomach hurt I grabbed a beer and drank about half the bottle. My stomach didn't feel great but it was better. Well at least I thought it was. As soon as I started running on the treadmill my stomach felt really uncomfortable. Epic fail #568. 

It gets uncomfortable to the point where the pain is also in my back. It's so miserable. A heating pad usually helps a bit and now I'm trying Dicyclomine. I'm willing to try anything at this point.

Photo shoot

Well that's the interesting happenings. Stay tuned for the next episode...

Thursday, February 20, 2014

A Look Back

Today my Facebook page reached 102 likes. I finally broke 100 thanks to all of you awesome readers/followers. To date I also have over 22,000 page views on my blog, which is amazing. I started my blog as a diary of sorts and kept it going as supporters encouraged me. I'm still left speechless when someone I know approaches me and mentions they read my blog and like it. Really? I guess all my page views can't all be from my Aunt Mar. 

Since all I can really do right now is complain about how sore I am from skiing last Friday I decided I would post my top 3 blog posts. Kind of a look back at the road behind me.

1. Change In Scenery

2. Wanted

3. Your Group Can Eat Mine for Breakfast

What's really funny is reading my very first blog post. It's hard to remember what I did in my free time before I started running. Well aside from the whole mom thing.

Some of these are mine.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Dear Future Me

A few weeks ago I read a question posted on Facebook. Of course I can't find the post now but it went something like this. "If you could write a letter to yourself before you started running what would it say?" Here's my letter to the pre-running me.

Hey Lori,
It’s you…well future you, which is me. It might take you a while to believe this but I’m writing to you from the future. It would take too long for me to prove it on paper so you’ll just have to wait until these things start to happen and then I guess you’ll know for sure. Anyway, I’m about to explain some things that are going to blow your mind, but trust yourself. I don’t want to say too much because if I do you’ll try to prevent these things from happening. You can’t prevent them. Plus, you need these things to happen no matter how horrible they seem. You will learn and grow from all of it and in the end it will make you a much better person. Just trust yourself.

Sometime in the near future you’re going to start running. I know it sounds crazy but after having multiple children you’re going to want to get back into shape. It’ll be time to find “you” again. Don’t talk yourself out of a run no matter how mentally awful you feel. These runs will help you sort through your personal and professional issues. They will be better than any therapist and trust me there will be therapists. Running will also be vent sessions for future friends, so listen carefully to them. Also learn how to pronounce Malachi- it’s not quite… Never mind this one is funny.

Running will bring a new confidence level that will knock you down at first but then it will lift you even higher. You are going to have some amazing experiences but they won’t happen until you first experience one of your worst life events. I know you want me to tell you since I know how it’s going to happen and exactly when, but I can’t. When I first knew I could warn you about this situation I wanted to tell you to stay away, bite your tongue harder than you did, go on vacation, stay home, and never leave the house. But then I remembered how it all ended. The great things won’t happen without the bad. Let it happen. Don’t over think it or let it run your life. It won’t kill you (it will try) so as hard as it gets just know you will make it through. Running will be even harder but keep going. Go stronger, harder, faster, and let it all out on the road. You’ll find your relationship with God out there. I told you I’d blow your mind.

Here are a few tips I can give you ahead of time.
  • Bring toilet paper with you on EVERY run.
  • Look more carefully for cars while taking BR breaks outdoors (get used to it).
  • Go to a specialist right away to get that stomach thing figured out.
  • Do not take the first IBS medication Dr. Petrescue prescribes. It will make you feel really sick.
  • Do not try Greg’s drink. You don’t know who Greg is right now but you will know when it happens. One winter night while you’re with co-workers at the bar he will offer. Do NOT take it.
  • Drink a lot of water. All the time. That will mean more than you do even when you think it’s enough.
  • Don’t dress like a ninja. Invest in bright colors right away.
  • Do not ever put your running clothes in the dryer.
  • Make the girls run with you and/or shorten your miles if they show any interest.
  • That girl that you want to talk to at Zumba but you’re too shy- talk to her. Talk to her right away. Don’t roll your eyes because yes you will indeed try Zumba. Don’t worry it won’t last long.
  • Oh and there will be a race you do when you’ll be waiting for a porta-potty. There will be lots of trees around with some awesome scenery you might miss. Anyway, when a lady runs up to you with an offer- take it. Don’t think about it just take the offer as quickly as possible.
Just love every minute of running. Enjoy life and trust in God. He will get you through all of it and you will thank Him every day. Love your family and spend as much time with them as you can. You will have some awesome support so just embrace it and forget those who criticize. Just keep running!


Me & You